If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
