I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
