OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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