You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
