lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
