youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
