So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
