True but thats because hes a fetus.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
