Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
