I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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