speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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