I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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