im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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