I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My dick has a subreddit
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
