My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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