I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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