just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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