There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
