You just made me feel so damn special
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
