Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
