I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
