Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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