I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
