I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
