I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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