Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
