my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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