you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
