Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
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you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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