His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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