nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
