My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
