I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
