At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
