his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
