My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They took my balls.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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