Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
