We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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