he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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