A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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