you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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