do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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