How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
