the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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