Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
