She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
