To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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