Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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