So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I understand Curling. That high.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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