i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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