i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
