When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
