Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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