In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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