theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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