Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If I die, sorry about rent.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
