Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This toilet bowl is my home.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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