He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
