I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
