2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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