He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
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Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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