I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
