The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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