You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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