all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
