Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
