She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
