Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
