i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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