I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
