i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize