i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize