i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
