So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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